Hey, everyone! When last we met, I was complaining about the quality of fan translations. Typically, criticisms like that are met with “well, if you don’t like it, why don’t you do better?”
Well, I’m here to do just that. Not once, but several times!
Before we move on, some words about… Well, words. Last time, I made a very big deal about there not being fixed 1:1 translations for a lot of Japanese terms. The way that translation works is less like “make the Japanese words English” and more like “Taking the meaning of these words and convey that meaning in English.” It’s a subtle distinction, but an important one: different translators will use different words to convey that meaning. The way that I would personally translate it would be different than, say, how Jeremy Blaustein or Alexander O. Smith or Koji Fox would.
With that said, I’d like to offer several takes on the Saizo-Beruka conversation to illustrate my point. While they all are not “equal” in quality — I don’t think I have the chops to really ape Treehouse’s style, for example — they’re all equally valid translations suiting different styles and editorial needs.
Trying a new thing out on the page: EXPANDABLE TEXT BOXES. Click the little arrow to drop them open for a lot of words!
The Direct VersionSaizou:
You…
You’re that Nohrian assasin, Beruka.Beruka:
Yes, and what of it?
…Saizou of the Hoshido ninja.Saizou:
Oh?
It seems our names precede us.Beruka:
Yes… Your name is well-known
even among the Nohrians.The high prince’s faithful retainer…
…and a peerless assassin.Saizou:
You have a reputation as well.
I’ve heard rumors of a Nohrian girl
that could kill without so much as
batting an eye.Beruka:
…I see.
So…
…how many have you killed?Saizou:
What the hell kind of question is that?
…have you been counting?Beruka:
When I began taking contracts,
I used to count every job.But, when Lady Camilla took me in…
I stopped counting.Thinking back on it, I’m not
sure if that’s a good or a bad thing.Only that things had changed.
Saizou:
I see.Beruka:
…I answered your question.
What about you?Saizou:
I… don’t think I can ever forget.
Even if I don’t want to remember.
Even if I try my hardest.
The face of the every person I’ve ever killed…
They’re etched forever into my mind.Beruka:
…oh.Saizou:
It must be fate for two assassins
from enemy lands to join forces like this.
We both live to protect our masters.
Beruka, it’s good to meet you.Beruka:
Yeah…
THINGS TO NOTE ABOUT THE “DIRECT” VERSION: This is exactly what it says on the tin: A direct translation of the Japanese to English. Minimal changes were made to help the text flow or to preserve characterization, but otherwise, I hewed very closely to the original Japanese.
—
THE TREEHOUSE EDITIONSaizo: You… You must be that Nohrian assassin, Beruka.
Beruka: … what would Saizo, the Hoshidan ninja, want from me?
Saizo:
… it seems like there’s no need for introductions.Beruka: Don’t look so shocked. You’re the High Prince’s retainer, and the Hoshidan royal family’s assassin.
The fact that your name is known in Nohr should be no surprise.Saizo: Heh… You know, you’ve got a reputation, yourself.
There’s rumors of a Nohrian girl that can cut someone’s heart out without flinching.
A ruthless assassin, hiding in the form of a child.Beruka: …
… so, how many have you killed?Saizo: What kind of question is that?
You don’t keep score, do you?Beruka: When I started out, I did. When you’re taking contracts, keeping count is an everyday thing.
But, after Lady Camilla took me in…
… I stopped counting.
I don’t know if that’s good or bad. Just, that it’s different.Saizo: I see…
Beruka: What about you? Are you going to answer me?
Saizo: … I don’t think I can ever forget how many I’ve killed.
I want to, believe me.
But, no matter how hard I try…
I can’t do it. I can’t forget their faces.
The look in their eyes at the last moment. Every one of them is burned into me, a stain on my soul that can never come off.Beruka: … oh…
Saizo: Two assassins from enemy lands joining forces for a greater purpose… This must be fate drawing us together.
No matter our differences, we share the same goal. We live to protect our masters.
Beruka, it’s an honor to have met you.Beruka: … Yeah.
This one was fun to do. Working off the base “direct” translation, I expanded on the writing and characterization as much as I could. I kept the original text in mind as much as possible, but if I had a choice between “faithful” and “an engaging wording,” I tried to err on the side of entertainment. A lot of the “better” localizations out there tend to follow this kind of style — using the authorial intent as a yardstick for meaning, instead of the squiggly lines constraining it.
—
Saizou:
You must be Veruca, the assassin from the land of Nohr?Veruca:
And what of it, Saizou?Saizou:
Oh?
It seems our names precede us.Veruca: Yes… Your name is well-known
even among the Nohrians.The high prince’s faithful retainer…
…and a slayer of men beyond compare.Saizou:
You are not unknown in our realm, as well.
There are tales of a young Nohrian maiden who could extinguish a man’s life as easily as the flame of a candle.
A stone cold killer in the veil of an innocent waif.Veruca:
…interesting.
So…
…how many have you slain?Saizou:
What in the blazes are you talking about?
Surely, you don’t count them, do you?Veruca:
That I did, at first. It’s the way of all assassins.But, when Lady Camilla took me in…
I ceased to count.Be it for good or for ill, I know not. Only that it is different.
Saizou:
I see.Veruca:
… now that I’ve answered your query, answer mine.Saizou:
I cannot forget how many lives I’ve taken.
Verily, I have tried, but all for naught —
Tis a blight on my soul, one that will never fade away.Veruca:
…oh.Saizou:
This must be destiny guiding us — two assassins from enemy lands, working hand in hand.
Our goal is the same, is it not? Our lives for the safety of our liege.
Veruca. It is an honor to fight by your side.Veruca: Indeed…
This one was absolute murder to pull off, and the entire reason why this article took eight months to finish. Every time I came back to it trying to work my pseudo-Elizebethan magic, I realized that I actually had none to work. I feel that if I submitted this to an editor, they’d probably kill me.
With that said, the reason why I love the Dragon Quest localizations is because of how much work goes into them to make them actually function. The original Japanese in most cases is just “hey guys we’re talking normally,” but to inject the Olde Fantasy Flavour into it, they ratchet up the antiquated language to 11, and it really gives the game more personality than a straight translation would.
In this case, the “direct” translation was only the loosest of guides. The real test is the ability to keep the gimmick going as believably as possible, which I feel I utterly failed at.
“Veruca” is also a totally acceptable reading of ベルカ. More on that later.
—
MEANWHILE: In an alternate 1994, Nintendo released Fire Emblem Fates on the SNES. When they totally did this real thing that happened, they decided to localize “闇夜” (Anya) as the Kingdom of Scharz, and “白夜” (Byakuya) as the Solaris Empire. There was strict directives to not overtly reference killing, so some creative choices had to be made. I present to you…
—
THE WOOLSEY
Saiz: You… You’re Belka, that assassin from Scharz.
Belka: Oh, the mighty Saiz of the Solaris Empire. What is it?
Saiz: Looks like introductions aren’t necessary.
Belka: Is it really so surprising that your name would be known in the Scharz kingdom?
You’re the Solarian prince’s retainer. You do all kinds of dirty work for him.Saiz: You aren’t too shabby, yourself. We’ve all heard whispers of a little Scharz girl that can take out any enemy you point her at.
Belka: So, that’s what they’re saying nowadays…
So, how many… “Jobs” have you done?Saiz: How many? What kind of a question is that? Do you keep score, or something?
Belka: From when I started in my line of work… yeah, kinda. It’s what you do. But then Lady Camilla took me in. I haven’t kept count since. It’s… different. No better, no worse.
Saiz: I see…
Belka: So, out with it. I answered your stupid question. How many? Do you even remember?
Saiz: … Every last one. I don’t want to keep count. I’d rather forget, but even if I try, it’s gonna be there in the back of my mind, rotting. Every single job leaves a mark, one that you can’t wash off.
Belka: Huh…
Saiz: Fate must have drawn us together. Even if our homelands are at war, we both share the same goal. We live to keep our masters safe.
I’m glad to have met you, Belka.Belka: Yeah…
This is just another example of using the text as a skeleton, and building on that skeleton with careful writing. SNES-era translations were tough because of the strict content regulations and difficult localization choices that the translation teams were faced with. I tried to recapture that a little bit with the vagueness regarding what kind of “work” Saizo and Beruka were up to, but I think I spelled it out too much.
Also, Saiz and Belka? Also technically acceptable renderings of サイゾウ and ベルカ. Katakana names can be rendered tons of ways. In “Saiz”‘ case, it’s an attempt to preserve as much of the original name as possible while fitting in with a different setting that “the Solaris Empire” may imply.
For Belka? There’s a number of different ways to read the sounds “be ru ka”. It could be a B sound! It could be a V sound! The ru could be an L! An R! Without the author’s insight/decree of official spellings, you kinda have to guess and pull the trigger. Look at サウザー from Fist of the North Star, whose name has been rendered as Souther, Thouzer, and Thouther, and could also be rendered as Sauzaa.
—
I hope this was a helpful illustration on the many ways one block of text could be translated. There’s no such thing as “the most correct” correction. No secret way of looking at the original Japanese and going “oh, this is it” and magically spawning the One True Translation for the text. It’s more like a conversation between the source text and the translator.
Sometimes, it’s a fun conversation, and everyone understands one another, and it goes well. Other times, the conversation is stilted and awkward, and nothing good comes of it. It depends on the text and the person looking at it.
BONUS CONTENT:
Do you want to take a stab at the dialogue yourself?
Feel like you could also do better?
I present to you…
日本語
サイゾウ:
お前が…
暗夜の殺し屋ベルカだな。
ベルカ:
…何か用？
白夜の忍び…サイゾウ。
サイゾウ:
ほう…？
お互い名前は既に聞き知っているようだな。
ベルカ:
ええ…白夜のサイゾウの名は、
暗夜にも知れ渡っている。
次期王の忠実なる家臣…
そして、凄腕の暗殺者だと。
サイゾウ:
お前のほうこそ、
幼いながらも殺す事に躊躇いをもたぬ、
冷酷な殺人兵器の少女と
噂に聞いていたぞ。
ベルカ:
…そう。
あなたは…
どれぐらい殺したの？
サイゾウ:
なんだその質問は。
…お前は覚えているのか？
ベルカ:
殺し屋の仕事を始めた頃は
数えるのが日課だった。
でもカミラ様に拾われてからは…
数えるのを止めた。
それが自分にとって良いのか悪いのかは
わからない…
ただ、転機ではあったのだと思う。
サイゾウ:
そうか。
ベルカ:
…私は答えたわ。
あなたはどうなの？
サイゾウ:
俺は…逆に忘れられない。
覚えていたくなくても…
忘れようとしても…
殺した人間たちの顔も数も…
心の中にくっきりと刻み込まれているんだ。
ベルカ:
…そう。
サイゾウ:
敵国の殺し屋と暗殺者がこうして
手を組むというのも何かの縁だ。
お互い守るべき主君がいることも同じだ…
ベルカ。
これからよろしく頼む。
ベルカ:
ええ。MID_支援_サイゾウ_ベルカ_Ｂ
サイゾウ:
ベルカは殺し屋時代、
独りで仕事をこなすことが多かったのか？
ベルカ:
ええ、もちろんよ。
仲間など不要でしかなかったわ。
でも…カミラ様に拾われて
軍人になってからは…
特攻部隊の隊長として、
大勢で敵を殺すことのほうが多くなった。
…あなたは？
サイゾウ:
俺はいまだに独り隠密として
行動することのほうが多いな。
ベルカ:
そう…
隠密行動は骨が折れるでしょう。
サイゾウ:
ああ。
特に覚えているのは…あの一件だな。
数年前のことだが…暗夜王国に潜入し、
公爵貴族を殺した事があった。
ベルカ:
…………
サイゾウ:
俺に課せられた任務は、暗夜王都の
東に位置する街にいる貴族の暗殺…
あれは骨の折れる仕事だった…
任務をこなしたは良いものの、
直後に複数の手練に囲まれ…
そしてその貴族の家族にも目撃されて、
狂気の顔で恨みごとを言われたな…
それで…
ベルカ:
…………
サイゾウ:
…？
ベルカ、どうした？
ベルカ:
その貴族の名は…ボルド。
サイゾウ:
なぜその名を知っている！？
ベルカ:
…そう。
彼を殺したのは…あなただったの。
サイゾウ:
どういう意味だ？
あの男のことを知っているのか？
ベルカ:
いえ…今更言っても仕方ないことね。
忘れて…
サイゾウ:
お、おい…待て！
ベルカ！！
…………
一体どういうことなんだ…？MID_支援_サイゾウ_ベルカ_Ａ
サイゾウ:
ベルカ…この間の話だが。
ベルカ:
あれはもう忘れてほしいと
言ったはずよ。
サイゾウ:
そうはいかん。
悪いが…調べさせてもらったぞ。
ベルカ:
…！！
サイゾウ:
お前はボルドの家族に依頼されて…
俺にボルド殺害を依頼した
白夜の諸侯スルガを手にかけた…
ベルカ:
………
サイゾウ:
スルガ一族はすぐまた俺に
暗殺依頼を出してきた…
そして俺は…ボルドの家族を…
ベルカ:
もういい…もう、止めて。
サイゾウ:
お前が耳を塞ぐ理由は…
自分のしてきたことがいかに空虚なことかを
知りたくないからか？ 目を背けるためか？
ベルカ:
…………
サイゾウ:
だがそれは俺とて同じことだ。
まったく…やり切れんな。
これはただの…悪循環でしかない。
怨恨の名の連鎖が続く
地獄絵図のようだな…
ベルカ:
そうね…その通りだわ。
サイゾウ:
だがそれを終わらせるのが…
この戦争なのだろう？
こんな血で血を洗い続けるだけのバカげたことは
…もう終わりにしなければならない。
お前もそう思わないか？
ベルカ:
ええ。そのために今、
我々は手を取り合っている。
サイゾウ:
そうだ。一刻も早くこの負の連鎖を
終わらせて、世界に平和を取り戻そう。
そのためにお前も協力してくれ。
ベルカ:
わかった…最善を尽くす。MID_支援_サイゾウ_ベルカ_Ｓ
サイゾウ:
ベルカ、少し話をしてもいいか？
ベルカ:
なに…？
サイゾウ:
この前平和な世界を取り戻すためにと、
共闘を誓い合ったが…
もう一つお前と誓い合いたいことがある。
ベルカ:
もう一つ？
サイゾウ:
ああ。所詮は汚れた生き方しか
できなかった二人だ…
仮に平和な世界を作れたとしても、
我らの仲間たちの生き方とは…
大きな隔たりがあるだろう？
ベルカ:
そうね…
サイゾウ:
しかし…だからこそ
二人だけの安らぎの場が欲しい…
そうは思わないか？
ベルカ:
安らぎの場所？
…どういうこと？
サイゾウ:
一緒に生きよう、ベルカ…
俺とお前で共に生きて、
二人だけの心休まる場所を作っていきたい。
ベルカ:
サ、サイゾウ…！
サイゾウ:
たとえ誰が俺たちのことを殺し屋と蔑もうとも…
世界が俺たちを拒もうとも…
俺は…俺だけはお前を裏切りはしない。
必ず傍にいると誓おう。
ベルカ:
…………
こんな感情が…
私にもまだあったのね。
私も…その安らぎを知りたい…
サイゾウ:
必ず作れるさ、二人ならな。
ベルカ:
そうね。
私…あなたの傍にいるわ。
サイゾウ:
ああ。誰が俺たちを否定しようとも、
俺たちだけは互いを認め合おう。
ベルカ:
…ええ。
Cool. I learned a lot!